I call it corn. By
that I mean what I write and record is what others call music, but I call it
doing the best I can with what I've got. I don't claim to be good, nor do I claim to want to be any better than I'm going to be. I get a kick out of being the best I can, knowing full well that what I do is make up songs, most of which are not that great, and I'm comfortable with that. I think what I write are songs, and what I record is music, and it may or may not be called something else by someone else.
In my last post I wrote about what it means to call yourself a songwriter, and I want to make it clear I don't take it so seriously that I pretend I'm something I'm not. It's just a word, and whether I ever sell a song or become rich and famous from it, I can feel good calling myself a songwriter. Even if I never play my music in front of people. Actually, when in a group setting where people I gave my CDs to decide to play them in my presence, I cringe. Not sure why. I like making the recordings, but a part of me doesn't want to hear them played back with others around.
It's okay to suck and be happy sucking at something. Others may not like it, and I completely
understand that. They might say I
produced something good, or something bad, but it's still sounding close to resembling
music. I know my limitations, I know
what doesn't sound right and what can be improved in my recordings, even after
I've done the best I could. It's hard to
make people understand that. Sometimes
you lose some magic spirit when you keep doing something over and over again
until you get it perfect. It's better to
go with the flow, re-do a few things here and there, get it close to what you
envisioned, and call it good.
Be Happy Being Bad
I say go ahead and be terrible, know it, own it, and do it
anyway because it pleases you. It's
probably rare to be bad at something, yet have a passion for it anyway. I say there's nothing wrong with that at
all. What you have that more gifted
people might not have as much of is that very passion. Take whatever level of skill you do have and
work with it. It's what makes you
unique. Whether it's your creativity for
lyrics or melodies, technical instrument playing, perfect pitch, etc., its not
the level you're at, but rather, it's what you decide to do with it.
It is entirely possible for you as an intelligent human
being to be an appreciator and connoisseur of music - to know what's commonly
considered good and popular and what's not.
It's also possible for you to choose to look on the bright side of your
own levels as compared with the ideals you understand. So that when you realize you're quite far
apart from that high-set bar as a discerning listener, you do not view it as so
much of a negative that you give up trying.
Try hard, and perhaps fail miserably, and recognize it, then rethink how
you think about the failure to the point that you only see the good, and the
potential for more.
No Need To Rush Into It
Everyone has to start somewhere, and not everyone progresses
at the same pace. Take it slow, take it
easy, let it come to you, let it flow out of you. Keep it natural, don't force it. If you're not feeling it, move on to
something else. Wait until the mood
strikes you, and then harness the power of the moment as best you can. Making something out of nothing ... a song
from a blank piece of paper and quietness.
You have certain gifts, certain abilities, certain talents. You can never be great at everything. If you're like me, your singing voice is
politely called "interesting" by others who've heard it. Hey, that's something, at least. Stay positive, and be thankful for what you
do have.
Why Not Continue When You Can Amaze Yourself
Making music is fun for me.
Why would I stop? No reason. If you are able and feel the urge, do what
you can, when you can. Find time, make
time, do it, make it happen. It is
magic, this thing we call music. I am
amazed by it. What others would call
noise that I make, I call it magic. It's
astounding to me sometimes to come up with what I do. It's beyond physical. It's spiritual for me, and it's gathering up
invisible forces that exist in the world and working with them to your
advantage. Taking particles and
rearranging them with unexplainable power...that's what music making is to me.
Amazing Others May Never Happen
If you're like me, a few people close to you in your life
who know you well have given you positive feedback about your music, and you
actually trust them. If they liked
something you did too about your music, isn't that a huge momentum-building
bonus? It must be. It might be jokingly what you refer to as not
being so great, but it is also you admitting to shortcomings and imperfections,
but liking the overall result - the collective good parts that make the thing
you created pleasant to hear. Even when
they didn't interpret it as you did, if others liked the parts or aspects that
you yourself also liked, then you've got something important. You've made something someone else
enjoyed. You've made their lives better
because of it, however small a contribution.
Studio Dreams
The method of delivering songs to people for me is making
recordings and letting people choose to discover and listen to them. All of my songs can be streamed free, and if
you want to purchase them, you can. This
seems to be the modern model. Everyone
and their brother has a home computer-based recording studio nowadays, and I am
proud to say I was among the first wave of people to do such a thing. It's where I can be alone and make things
up. It's also where I can take the time
to get it right - that is, to get it sounding slightly better than how it would
sound if I played it for you live and in person. A big factor with this is I'm able to record
multiple tracks with multiple vocals and instruments (all my own), and blend
them to my liking. This I couldn't do as
a solo performer or even with a band, it wouldn't necessarily come out sounding
how I envisioned it. Would the
recordings be any better if I practiced them live and solo in front of people a
hundred times first? Due to unlimited
"takes" available in multitrack digital recording studios, I agrue
no.
To Perform Or Not To Perform
Seasoned performers advocate performing to songwriters who
are not. By that I mean that in my life
I've run across many different circles of songwriters most of whom cut their
teeth and paid their dues playing covers in live settings for many years prior
to writing their own songs. They think
their path was one all songwriters should take.
Although I was at one time in my life a live cover song performer on and
off for a few short years, I gave it up a long time ago, and other songwriters
don't understand why, and when I remind them I'm a terrible singer, they say I
shouldn't care and should get back out there anyway, due to the value of
audience feedback. I would argue that
many of the best and most beloved Beatles songs came after they decided to stop
playing live and focus on songwriting. Like
anything, I advocate for doing it to be better, as in "do songwriting to
get better at songwriting." I'm
more like the late career Beatles in that way...I decided long ago to hunker
down in my home studio and write and record songs.
No Yearning To Be Heard, Just A Slight Hope
Having people appreciate your music is a great thing when you're a songwriter, but it doesn't need to come from being a live performer. There's no need for people to take it so seriously that they believe you can't call yourself a songwriter unless you become well known, or have popularity in one way or another. It's a craft, and a hobby, and it's fun. To me, I have fun with it, and I call it what I call it - writing and recording songs. That's what I do. If regular performers want to call what I do something different than that, I don't have a problem with it. I call it what I want. I do only what I want. It's a creative outlet and I like the parts of it I like. It's my free time. I don't feel this burning desire to get polite applause and kind compliments from playing my songs in a bar or coffee place in front of people. Wanting it bad is something that comes from within. I don't need people to hear my music badly enough to make
time for getting gigs or showing up to open mic nights anymore. I'm happy enough writing and recording songs
the best I can and putting them out there and hoping they'll be discovered and
liked, while realistically knowing not much of that will happen. I'm cool with that.